WEDDING!!

I ORDERED MY WEDDING GOWN TODAY!!!!!!!!! :) Its so beautiful!! Id post a picture but then I would be risking my handsome fiance seeing it and he just has to wait! ;) But I love it so much and its everything I have ever wanted!! Cant wait to get planning! :) I am also contemplating possibly making our own invitations instead of ordering them...I got the time till the big day!! WHY NOT! :) We see :)

Getting kicked in the head...FUN?!

Today was the last day of classes and now I am officially on VACATION!!! YAY!!! I have been so releaved all day and was so thankful to have a fun filled day with Erica and the babies! It was a lot of over due needed girl time with my adoptive sister ;) During our hanging out we were laying on the bed talking and all of a sudden her belly began to kick! :) YEP! Trinity was kicking her! I FINALLY GOT TO FEEL IT FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS AFTERNOON!! :) I WAS SO EXCITED AND IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AND A HUGE SMILE TO MY FACE!! she has been kicking for awhile now but was not able to be felt from the outside...THIS HAS BEEN DRIVING ME NUTS!!!! With Nathan it was AMAZING to me to feel and I thought it was the coolest thing but we never really were able to feel him much but this little girl likes to beat her mama's belly ;) So tonight as we were laying on the bed talking and poking at Ericas belly I laid my head down on her belly to see if I could hear anything. After listening for awhile I was telling Erica that I kept hearing like bubbles popping and then like a WOOSH sound...like the sound thats made when u kick your feet in the pool! it was really cool and were not sure but we think it may have been when she was flipping and moving around cause when Erica could feel her moving is when I was hearing it and we often would feel her kick moving along her belly! IT WAS AMAZING!

The really fun part was when she actually began to start kicking more than once in a row. At first she would just kick 1 time and then would stop for like 15/20 minutes. So we continued to poke and prod at her and just wait. I laid my head back down on her belly and just waited and all of a sudden I got KICKED IN THE HEAD! haha yep! more than once this little peanut kicked me in the head from the womb! It was so cool to feel her moving around though under my head and feeling her kicking me.

Thinking about all of this is sooo very amazing! What a cool design that the Lord came up with so that we could still be able to feel an unborn child! and how even more cool that you can now see your child even before their out of your belly! This is truly amazing to me and I am also very thankful for a friend who lets me lay my head on her belly for a good hour and laugh with me! :) I Love you Erica and your beautiful little family! :) They are all so precious to my heart!

Sickness and Excitement

Whyyy is it that I can only go about 2 months at a time without getting sick and then im sick for about 6 months! :p I just got over a week and half of being sick every single day with about 3 different sicknesses and have been so thankful that I have avoided getting every other thing that everyone has gotten the past 2 months! I have been taking triple the doses of vitamins since i got really sick, and doing everything I can to stay healthy! Somehow I have failed yet again and find myself sick! :p Thankful that I am not as sick as I was a few months ago and I'm still able to function!

We have 2 more weeks left of school and then this semester is over! I'm getting anxious to start my summer nanny job and my 3 summer classes! I'm even more excited to the fact that once September comes around it will be my LAST semester of college FOREVER!!!! 3.5 years will be behind me and I can finally move on to so much more exciting things! :) Graduate in Dec 2010 and getting Married in April 2011! I can not wait! :) Also throughout all these other exciting things the most exciting thing will be happening in a matter of like 3.5 months! can you guess it?! ;) yep! you got it! Jonny will be home!!!! Praise the Lord that this 12 month separation is almost over and that the time table of being separated is dwindling faster then we can see it! :) The Lord is so awesome of how He works and how everything works out in His perfect timing!

A love that runs deeper then I will ever know...

Sometimes I just wish this deployment was over so that I could SLEEP! the past 8 months or so..sleep has been a rare occurrence. I don't know why this happens. Am I worried about Jon? I don't think I am...maybe self consciously I am always worried about him because I love him, But I don't feel like an overwhelming fear. I really think this has been one of the hardest part of deployment that I am CONSTANTLY exhausted! Which for a woman anyways I'm emotional but when I don't sleep too good its multiplied by 10 ;) maybe 20 some days! Those of you who really know me, know this. I can be a wreck some days and perfectly fine others. I guess its just a cycle. Another reason sometimes I think I don't sleep is because I feel guilty for sleeping. haha! I know right? I'm sure your asking yourself...why would anyone feel guilty about sleeping...well when the love of your life is in the middle of the desert working 16 hour days everyday, making time to call you just to tell you he loves you and make sure your doing okay, and still survive off of like 4 hours of sleep everyday...getting 7/8 or more hours a night I just begin to feel guilty! How can I sleep so much when I know he is working soo hard in the middle of the desert for days on end! What I do everyday is not that pressing and even have opportunities for naps! I have considered doing his schedule just to get a better feeling for what he does...I don't think I would make it a day. Jon's normal day can range from as early as 4/5am (thankfully on days when he doesn't have to be up he can sleep till 2/3pm in the afternoon ;)these are good days!) and he does not go to bed till 2/3am..he gets food when he gets a chance(there has been many times he has called me and said he is going to midnight chow because he has not had a chance to eat today..this breaks my heart) does pt many times at midnight after work, calls if he gets time and then goes to sleep and gets up and does it all over again. I am so proud of him and not just because I know I couldn't do this..but because he does it still with that handsome smile on his face and is always ready to listen to my horrible day even after his day has been bad and so very long and all he wants to do is go to bed..but he is willing to still call and talk to me and hear about my bad class or how frustrated I am about something. He is so selfless and I could not ask for a better man to be my husband! Lord, Thank you so much for blessing me with him. I am so very thankful.

This Army Thing

It has been a rough past few days...not hearing from Jon has been so hard and it truly makes the days seem longer. It feels as if I am constantly waiting for my phone to ring and my heart skips a beat every time it goes off lately. But never once does it have those random numbers on the screen like it does when he calls :(...This is hard and all I want is to hear his voice. I miss him like crazy and I really just wish that Iraq would give him back. I know this is part of the deal and I will never give up, but I could really use a break and a nice day at least to spend with my honey :/..if a day is to much to ask...could I at least have a hug and a 2 minute talk?

I Love this man way to much to be away from him anymore...I can't wait to finally have him home. Counting down the days...

Random Thoughts and Blessings

Starting off with a chat with your soldier is by far the best thing that I could ever start my day off with! There is so many unknowns everyday and every night and so many things that could or could not be happening throughout the days so its always a sigh of relief when you hear their voice or even just see the words that they are typing out from a computer halfway around the world. Its amazing how something so little as "I'm okay" and "I Love you" being written to you can mean so much. I have learned throughout these past 2 deployments and two years and 11 months of being with my soldier that you cherish every moment you have on the phone with them when they call, it doesn't matter what your doing, you drop it and answer your phone. I can not even tell you how many times I have walked out of classes, meetings, church, etc. to just answer the phone to hear his voice. As bad as it may sound to people and as rude as it may seem to get up and walk out, its my only connection and I will not not answer it because I am busy. NEVER to busy for my soldier. Thankfully I have had so many great professors who totally understand when I tell them in the beginning of the semester that I will walk out of the class if my fiance calls because he is in Iraq. Most respond with a smile and say that's fine, I understand..and please tell him thank you for serving. I am totally thankful for understanding people and those who truly appreciate our soldiers.
One professor that has truly touched my heart was one that I had last semester. He was my health professor and he literly would bend over backwards to help you out if you needed it no matter what. (you do not find many of these in Farmington) After talking to him a few times and having to go and make up a test, I found out that he was a Christian and we had a great talk. He said how hard it is to not implement his beliefs into the classroom because of the "exceptance" rule. When he found out that my fiance was in Iraq and would be coming home in a month or so he was I think just as excited for me as I was for Jon to be home! :) Everyday in class he would ask how Jon was doing, and assure me he was praying for him to come home safe! This professor truly left a imprint on me because he agreed to let me take the final 2 weeks early, allowed me to miss the last week and half of classes, helped me finish the work, allowed me to make up everything I missed when I was sick, and was always there to assure me that my soldier was being prayed for by at least one person and to ask if my health was better after I was sick for a week. (He still to this day sees me around campus and asks me how im feeling..it kinda makes me laugh) But this school has been so difficult but its people like that who truly make this time blessed and make me know that I am in the right place.

Strength

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoices; and with my song will I praise him."-Psalm 28:7

Psalm 91
"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.2I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.3Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.4He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.5Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
7A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.8Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.14Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.16With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

I am a military Fiance...

*Waiting for my soldier to get off the plane at the airport for R & R*

"I Am A Military Fiance"

I am a military fiance.
I hold no formal recognition. I am at the bottom of the military life chain. I hold no Military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess the power of his destination. I understand this and accept this.

I am a military fiance.
I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

I am a military fiance.
I hope every day that he will be able call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions…smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you” and “I’m okay” speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.

I am a military fiance.
I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.

I am a military fiance.
Not a spouse or family member, but my love goes just as deep. I am not granted the help and comfort that “dependents” are granted, but I hold true to my promises to him. I will stand tall and stay strong because I hold close to my heart the thought of someday being with him everyday and every night.

I am a military fiance.

Bliss in a matter of seconds

Adventures. I don't think I ever understood the meaning of this word until I met Jon. Jon was an adventure from the minute I met him, till the minute I said that first "see you later" when he left for basic training. Since then we have seen eachother on and off for the past 3 years (on May 19th). It has not been easy and I wont act like it has been a piece of cake. Its been hard and its been work. Its been a lot of time spent close to the Lord, with tears streaming down my face and wondering why sometimes of how or why things are the way they are right now.
I get the question all the time of WHY. Why I would ever wait for a guy like this and carry on a relationship when I only see the man sometimes not more than 6 months at a time....I never really had an answer for them besides a smile and shrug of the shoulders while saying..."I'm in Love." To me Love is not something you can explain...its just something you do. With the Military...this is just something you do and learn to live with a smile on your face and a thought of living for the day that you finally have that one person back in your arms that has been gone for so long. That 2 seconds from the minute you see their face from getting off the plane to the point when your back in their arms is the only thing that I could ever say explains why I would ever wait for a man like I have. Its pure love. Its everything you have been waiting for and working for in a matter of seconds.
Tears. Strength. Heart Ache. Love. BLISS.

This is new to me!

So I decided to start doing this because I have heard that its great especially when soldiers are deployed. I'm a little late in the game because Jon will be home in a few months from this year deployment but Bri finally got me to actually make one and do it..so here I am! :)